Two words that really shouldn’t be thrown around carelessly are “crazy” and “bitch”. Both are charged with such negativity and vulgarity that no one wants to be referred to as these things. Not even if they qualify as those things. They are shameful. To be controlling, irrational, out of control, bossy, snide and self centered. To be truly crazy, one must lack sanity, not just knowledge. One must truly refuse to believe the truth as it is scientifically and reasonably to most people, and reject notions of others’ opinions as valid assessments. My 13 year old daughter is one crazy bitch. Literally.
But how so?!
At the moment, she is screaming at me…crying and banging on my door again. This time it’s because I’ve threatened…or rather promised to call the Crisis line for help with her (which will likely lead to another hospitalization for her…making it the 10th…11th…12th time she has been hospitalized? I cannot keep track anymore) if she continues to:
- Steal food (which seems strange in the first place, right? Because no one is withholding food, but she sneaks around at night eating all the fruit and stealing all the chocolate in the freezer. Anything that’s not literally locked away, she may take. Even if it’s not hers, and even if it’s for a special occasion (like if her sister’s made a cake for someone’s celebration – A would eat a piece with her fingers then deny it).
- Refuse to clean the mess she creates while having an episode – which can range from spit and snot on a wall, to broken toys, to dishes caked with dried stolen food, to a room destroyed by her lack of executive functioning skills, and avoidance of the filth she created and subsequently denies having responsibility for
- Speak disrespectfully to me. Not that it’s an uncommon thing to have a mouthy teenager, but having a teen with ODD is FAR different than a “normal” teen. My teen is crazy. My teen is a bitch. She is mean, selfish, heartless, cruel, and lacks empathy. This child used to tell me her plan to stab me to death in the night, so the knives have been locked up for five years. She is not a constant threat of danger, but she is dangerous, and her mouthing off is indicative of her action plan…which is hellbent on control.
- Make our household feel imbalanced, unsafe, and generally uncomfortable to live in (with her). I can never be certain that my other children are safe when I leave the house and she is here with them. I cannot sleep at night without worrying what she is getting into (hence the numerous cameras we now have, and the hours of footage of her misbehaving, and the hours of footage of her denying said recorded behavior).
This is NOT okay…
She is sick. She is mentally ill. She is not just doing these things to be an unruly child. I know this. I have lived this for the past eight LOOOONG years. She has severe disabilities and needs help. She needs help. This crazy bitch needs so much assistance, and I cannot give her enough on my own, and I am at my wits end trying to help her to be happy and feel good about her life while also trying to be prosperous personally.
I am a yogi. I do not condone violence or harming others. I will not attempt to corporal punish her into submission. It’s not my thing, and I honestly don’t see how causing anyone else pain is effective long-term. I am in so much pain myself from these exhausting constant struggles and I really want this to be…easier. To just love and nurture my child would be so wonderful! I am trying to do that with each of my children, but it’s nearly impossible to love a crazy bitch.
Single Parenting Three; one with Special Needs 